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Credo Pentimento Revisited

Page history last edited by PBworks 12 years, 1 month ago


* This piece was performed in October of 2007. It was created for the 1 year anniversary of Shushi's 4x4 at Bluefoot Bar/Lounge.



Credo Pentimento Revisited


It was exactly one year ago that I created my first piece for 4x4. I was terrified, stomach swirling, knees shaking terrified. My piece was titled Credo Pentimento. In it I presented 7 moments from my life, moments that had brought me here. Then. This is a re-visitation of that piece. Here I present to you more moments, moments that have brought me here. Now.  To this stage, October 9th 2007.


Moment from my life 1:

Spring Quarter 2002: Business of Acting Class: THAC 108: This class was designed for Senior Theatre Majors who were serious about acting. My Professor had warned us that we were going to be brutally honest with one another. About our types and ability levels.

Professor: Has everyone brought in their type work? Great! Let's start with Jakey. Jakey, what did you type yourself as?

Jakey: Um, actually I don't really know what my type is. I feel like my personality fits ingénue roles but I am not thin or devastatingly gorgeous. I’m kinda funny and quirky sometimes but I wouldn’t really bank on that. I don’t think character is my thing. So basically I don’t know.

Professor: Now Jakey is interesting because she has these big doe eyes and her personality fits the typical ingénue but physically she is sending out a different message. It's difficult to type you because your personality doesn't fit your body.

Jakey: Right. Yeah. So what exactly does that mean?

Professor: Well it means you are probably going to have a difficult time, at least in film and television. The stage is more… accepting of variety. You might want to look into going character. Definitely make sure that your head-shots end up in an agents character books.

Jakey: But I don’t feel comfortable in character roles.

Professor: Maybe work on your corky-ness, you could play up that aspect of your personality. You are right though, it’s difficult to type you. Class? Anyone? Would Jakey fit in leading lady or character?

Student from Class: Honestly, if you lost ALOT of weight, you might be able to pull off leading lady. Maybe. But I would just get funnier and go character. Definitely play your ethnic card it’s golden.


Moment from my life 2:

Spring Quarter 2002 (again), THAC 109 – Acting Styles:

Prof: There are actors that have this certain something that draws an audience in. It often will have nothing to do with how attractive they are or even how talented they are. There is just something about them that causes other people to be invested in their story. In the business it is called the “IT” factor. Casting directors will say that he or she has “IT.”

Jakey: Is this something one can develop? Or is it like you either have it or you don’t?

Prof: I don’t think one can develop it by trying to develop it per se but I have definitely seen people gain it through the arc of their careers. Confidence has a lot to do with it. Often you just need one casting director to have faith in you, to promote you and then everyone in the business will look at you differently. When other people see you as talented and desirable, you start to see yourself as talented and desirable. This comes through in your auditions. It is cycle. Thanks for that question Jakey. Now I want to talk a little about networking. It’s important that you remember peoples names. And when I say people I mean directors, casting agents, and other actors. If you want work you need to know your business. I suggest keeping a file box and a 3x5 index card for everyone you meet. After you come back from an audition or a party, write down the persons name and what they are directing or acting in, also write down any connections that you might have to that person via other people. Memorize these cards. This way when you go into an audition you can speak intelligently about the people around you.

Jakey: But isn’t that not really the point…. nevermind.


Moment from my life 3:

Spring Quarter 2002 (again): The Undergraduate Main stage show was A Midsummer nights Dream. I (according to talk going around the department) was a shoe in for the role of Helena – I thought. I checked the cast list. My name wasn’t on it – at all.

Jakey: Hi, Jim, could I talk to you about something.

Professor: Sure Jakey, What's up?

Jakey: I would like to know why you didn’t cast me as Helena. What exactly was your reasoning? I respect your judgment. I just need to know.

Professor: Well Jakey, I can't really say exactly what it was. You had a strong audition and going into them I was planning on casting you as Helena - but when Ashley picked up that script she just made more sense in the role than you did. She had something that made me want to cast her.

Jakey: She had "IT" right? She had It.

Professor: I guess you could say so. For this role and my production, she did.

Jakey: ok. OK. Well thank you…. I mean not “thank you” for not casting m…… obviously, but thank you for your honesty. It’s helpful.

Professor: Look Jakey, you are welcome to be involved in the production. You are a good actress, it was just difficult for me to find a place for you. I didn't want to insult you by casting you as a fairy but you are more than welcome to be a fairy if you like.

Jakey: Thanks Jim but I think I'll pass on the fairy.


Moment from my Life 4:

Spring 2002. Business of Acting Journal Entry 1 week later:

I don’t like this game. I will not be anyone other than myself. I refuse to go to these parties and kiss up to people that I do not know and that have not earned my respect. Why? Why? So I can get cast in a role that doesn’t really interest me anyway right? But that I can’t turn down because it would be foolish. Actors are supposed to take anything that comes their way. Beggars can’t be choosers! I would rather take that energy. Put it into my work. And let it speak for itself. Take it or leave it.

I feel like I have so much to say but I don’t know where or how to put it.


Moment from my Life 5:

Spring of 2002:

Hi Mom. I don’t want to move to LA. I am going to Portugal. Because I have to.


Moment from my Life 6:

Jaaaaaaaaaaakey don’t you think it’s time to move on? It’s has been 2 years, you can let all of this go now.

I will say it again until you listen:                DON’T        RUSH          ME.

This applies to every aspect of my life.


Moment from my Life 7:

Excerpt from my journal: March of 2005:

I don’t know how to explain it exactly but I feel like I need to dance. Like all of these feelings inside me demand that I dance. And I don’t care that I am not the best dancer or that I take 5 times longer than everyone else to learn the choreography, or that I would rather die than stand in the front of the class. I don’t care. I just want to dance. In my own space, in my own time.


Moment from my Life 8:

Email August 2006:

Hello Jakey,

I've just secured a venue and the dates for a new performance series I'm curating. A little about the series;

7-10 Artists will perform each month. The pieces can be as short as 30 seconds but cannot be longer than ten minutes. The idea is to make short, potent work that deals with the small stage in a creative way. It will be extremely low tech. There's a sound system, but no theatrical lighting per se. Again, the idea is to have a place where we can try out new ideas, give and receive feedback, get our work out there and support each other all on a regular basis.

Jakey: Perfect :)


Moment from my Life 9:

It was a gallery opening – a wine and cheese event. As I stood with my Charles Shaw in one hand and my Saltine in another, I was contemplating a work of art in front of me. It was a huge orange canvas with a red line painted across the center. I stood in front of this painting for a good ten minutes. ‘What was the artist’s intention?’ I thought. Was it a sunset? A tribute to the color orange? Did their child paint this? It might very well have been my lack of imagination but I just didn’t get it. A tall man approached me. I knew who he was - he was the Artist but he didn't know me or the fact that I was already familiar with his work.

Artist: "What do you think?" He asked in a slightly bourgeois patronizing manner.

Jakey: "Where do I even begin?" I said - not wanting to admit that I had no idea what this painting was about or why the artist painted it."What do you think?" We were stating the art game. You know, that game that people play after a show, or a gallery event, when they don't really understand a work of art but they don't want to admit it.

Artist: "Well I am curious to see what the average person thinks"

Jakey: "Oh. And you are aren't the average person?"

Artist: "Well, I would like to see what someone who isn't an artist thinks."

Jakey: "Oh. How do you know that I am not an artist?"

Artist: "Well I suppose I don't"

Jakey: "By your question I am assuming that you are. One could make the argument that everyone is an artist in some way shape or form - your life is your art right?"

Artist: "Well, Yes, I suppose you could make that argument. But if that logic holds true there is some absolutely dreadful art being created." I was not impressed.

Jakey: "So……if I am just as much of an artist as you are, hypothetically, let me ask you, one artist to another. What do you think of this work?"

Artist: "Well, I don't like to discuss the meaning of my work.”

Jakey: "Oh, so this is yours?"

Artist: "It is indeed."

Jakey: "Then who better for me to discuss it with."

Artist: "I actually never discuss my work with the public. I don't want to color anyone’s opinions.”

At that moment it occurred to me that perhaps Mr. Artist was just as scared of being understood as I was of not understanding. That night I thought about him and wrote:

In my opinion: artists do not come down from "art world" and bestow us with their gifts - they are part and parcel of this one. The artist is not above the people. The artist is a product of the people. A voice for the people. Expressing the sentiment of a time, past, present or yet to come. Isn’t it possible to do both? Be true to you art and the audience?


These are moments from my life remembered, put back together in a better way (I hope), greater than the sum of their parts (I hope). They are my:

hey.............Hey....................HEY!        I STILL have something to say.





© Jakey Toor


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